Week 5
LPCC Men’s League – Week 5 Chronicle
This week’s sponsor: Murray Law – Adam Defruscia
Because when you're caught fudging a scorecard or suffering emotional damage from a leaderboard collapse, legal support just makes sense.
Stag Knights: From Crown to Clown
Let’s start with the biggest Week 5 storyline: the Stag Knights. Just one week ago, they were basking in the glory of first place, strutting around like they owned the joint.
And then… it happened.
The collapse. The implosion. The bed-sh*tting of historic proportions.
They tumbled all the way to 7th place, which is impressive in its own sad, flaming-wreck kind of way. Somewhere between the first tee and the parking lot, the wheels fell off, the GPS broke, and someone probably tried putting with a wedge. Classic Stag behavior.
High Rollers: No Segato, No Problem
Meanwhile, the High Rollers pulled off a comeback so improbable it’s currently under investigation. From their regular position as basement dwellers, they surged to 4th place in Week 5 — a leap so dramatic you’d think they changed rosters.
And maybe they did... because John Segato wasn’t there.
Coincidence? Doubtful. With John away, the rest of the squad finally had room to breathe — and more importantly, fewer tee shots to fish out of the pond. Thanks for taking one for the team, John. Never has an absence been so productive.
Hilltop Hazards: Late Night, Low Scores, High Suspicion
And now… the Hilltop Hazards. A team so elusive they make Bigfoot look well-documented. Once again, they didn’t start until the rest of us were halfway through our post-round beers — then somehow handed in scores that look like they were shot by PGA Tour pros.
We don’t want to accuse anyone of anything — but if you’re teeing off when the streetlights come on and your scorecard looks like it was filled out by a fortune teller, we’re going to raise an eyebrow or twelve.
Luckily, this week’s sponsor is a lawyer. Adam Defruscia of Murray Law — available for defense counsel, contract reviews, or simply explaining how golf scores work to the Hazards.
WEEK 5 RESULTS – THE CHAOS CONTINUES
Angry Birdies – Stayed angry, stayed deadly.
Hilltop Hazards – Leaders of the Shadow League.
Travis Trailblazers – Consistently not terrible.
High Rollers – One week without Segato, one week with results.
Back 9 Bandits – Respectably rogue.
Slice & Dice – Mid-pack purgatory.
Stag Knights – Can’t spell “staggering disappointment” without “Stag.”
Sip it & Rip it – Heavy on the Sip, light on the Rip… again.
That’s all for Week 6. Big thanks to Murray Law – Adam Defruscia for sponsoring and unofficially representing the league's most suspicious scorekeepers.
Van de Velde Bib of Shame
Last week’s Van de Velde Bib goes to none other than Dakota Welbourne, who proudly rocked the bib and receives a $40 food & beverage credit — assuming he survives the chirps.
50/50 Winner – Ralph… AGAIN
If you’re wondering who won the 50/50 this week — it was Ralph. Again.
Seriously, we’ve contacted OLG. The man’s either a magician, an algorithm, or operating on inside information. At this point, Ralph’s ticket is worth more than a Bitcoin. Congrats again, you beautiful lucky bastard.
Until next time, Flights are attached — swing hard, golf early (Hilltop, we’re watching), and remember: every leaderboard tells a story… most of them ridiculous.
